The Good in Life

The other day, someone told me that I focus too much on the negative things in life and not enough on the good....that I'm always worried about what has not yet been accomplished versus how far I've come. So here is the list of things in life that put a smile on my face:

• Zeus and Athena (my pups) excitedly greeting me when I get home and wake up the morning like it's the best thing that's ever happened to them
• Watching the sun rise while running in the morning
• The feeling I get after mixing, baking and decorating a batch of cupcakes; the smell the that exudes from them; the taste, texture and feeling of a slightly warm, heavily iced cupcakes melting away in my mouth
• When Wally kisses me on the forehead
• A freshly brewed cup of coffee with real sugar and cream....yum
• Crossing the finish line after a race of any distance...and the ability to eat and never get full for at least a day
• Reading a letter my dad gave me the day I was initiated into my sorority...he rarely tells me how proud he is of me or how much he loves me. I've read this letter at least a hundred times and it still makes me tear up each time I read it
• Cold mornings when I can stay in bed and cuddle with my Zeus monster...and maybe Wally too ;-)
• A glass of conundrum (wine) and freshly baked brie
  
• Helping someone accomplish a goal or at least realize that they have the potential to
• Getting a paycheck every Friday and knowing that I am responsible for paying my bills (with Wally of course)...and no longer relying on my parents for anything
  
• Hearing a student tell me that I am actually making a difference in their life

As far as personal accomplishments go, I know that I have a lot to be proud of and a bright future to look forward. However, the saying "you are your own worst critic" has always reigned true for me. Since I was a little kiddo, I've always placed more attention on the things that I don't have or haven't done yet, which, as a result, brings me down when I should be proud. As time progresses, I'm learning that I will get there someday (wherever that place maybe) and in the meantime I should take in every moment on my journey there. I'm also beginning to realize that happiness is a state of mind and if I want to be happy...then I will be :)

Will I ever "make it"

As time progresses and I get inevitably older, I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever "make it" as they say. I always thought that when I was done with school, I would instantly have a job that paid pretty well and also made me happy. However, I have completed both an undergraduate and graduate degree, have had the same full-time job for just over a year, just started teaching speech at a local community college and have been with my soulmate for almost three years and yet, I still feel as if I'm running in place. Funny how that works.

The truth is, I've never been able to make up my mind when it comes to my career. Honestly, how can you expect me to commit to the same career choice for my whole life? While I love to learn and experience new things, I just can't picture myself in the same type of career for years on end....just strikes me as boring I suppose. Knowing this about myself, however, has pushed me to really place more focus on me...what I like and don't like, what stimulates my senses, what motivates me to keep going. While I know what interests me, who's to say that will make for a happy, successful career?

As of lately I've felt like I just can't seem to get anything right, especially at my day job. One of my faults (and I'll be the first to admit this) is that when I'm moving fast, I tend to overlook details, which in the PR world, is not a good thing at all! After hearing much criticism from my boss, I have made a very conscious effort to read through all of my work more carefully, consult with others and cross reference with outside sources such as the AP style handbook. Personally, I feel like I'm gradually becoming a more detail-oriented person...at least I felt that way up until I got the email from my boss telling me that she doesn't know what to do with me and that she is very concerned. This made me feel like a complete failure...even though I know in the grand scheme of things I'm not. What irks me even more about this situation is that aside from random comments and discussion from time to time, I have not had the chance to really sit down with her and review my time with the company. She is indeed a very busy woman and successful too, but her constantly pushing back our meetings is really starting to make me wonder if (a) I'll ever be more than a coordinator/assistant and (b) if I'll ever move up within the company.

As a result of my unhappiness, I have applied for other jobs as they pop-up, researched other career choices and even seriously considered going back to school for a second master's degree or even a Ph.D. Will running in a different direction really make things better though? I obviously chose a career in the communications realm for a reason, but those reasons have quickly faded into oblivion. People are constantly telling me that I am meant to do this, and I would be great on TV, and could definitely achieve my dream of authoring books and speaking publicly...but will I really accomplish all of those things? Yes, I realize that it's all about mind-set and determination, but I'm not gonna lie...I'm scared that I will never "make it."