The Good in Life

The other day, someone told me that I focus too much on the negative things in life and not enough on the good....that I'm always worried about what has not yet been accomplished versus how far I've come. So here is the list of things in life that put a smile on my face:

• Zeus and Athena (my pups) excitedly greeting me when I get home and wake up the morning like it's the best thing that's ever happened to them
• Watching the sun rise while running in the morning
• The feeling I get after mixing, baking and decorating a batch of cupcakes; the smell the that exudes from them; the taste, texture and feeling of a slightly warm, heavily iced cupcakes melting away in my mouth
• When Wally kisses me on the forehead
• A freshly brewed cup of coffee with real sugar and cream....yum
• Crossing the finish line after a race of any distance...and the ability to eat and never get full for at least a day
• Reading a letter my dad gave me the day I was initiated into my sorority...he rarely tells me how proud he is of me or how much he loves me. I've read this letter at least a hundred times and it still makes me tear up each time I read it
• Cold mornings when I can stay in bed and cuddle with my Zeus monster...and maybe Wally too ;-)
• A glass of conundrum (wine) and freshly baked brie
  
• Helping someone accomplish a goal or at least realize that they have the potential to
• Getting a paycheck every Friday and knowing that I am responsible for paying my bills (with Wally of course)...and no longer relying on my parents for anything
  
• Hearing a student tell me that I am actually making a difference in their life

As far as personal accomplishments go, I know that I have a lot to be proud of and a bright future to look forward. However, the saying "you are your own worst critic" has always reigned true for me. Since I was a little kiddo, I've always placed more attention on the things that I don't have or haven't done yet, which, as a result, brings me down when I should be proud. As time progresses, I'm learning that I will get there someday (wherever that place maybe) and in the meantime I should take in every moment on my journey there. I'm also beginning to realize that happiness is a state of mind and if I want to be happy...then I will be :)

Will I ever "make it"

As time progresses and I get inevitably older, I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever "make it" as they say. I always thought that when I was done with school, I would instantly have a job that paid pretty well and also made me happy. However, I have completed both an undergraduate and graduate degree, have had the same full-time job for just over a year, just started teaching speech at a local community college and have been with my soulmate for almost three years and yet, I still feel as if I'm running in place. Funny how that works.

The truth is, I've never been able to make up my mind when it comes to my career. Honestly, how can you expect me to commit to the same career choice for my whole life? While I love to learn and experience new things, I just can't picture myself in the same type of career for years on end....just strikes me as boring I suppose. Knowing this about myself, however, has pushed me to really place more focus on me...what I like and don't like, what stimulates my senses, what motivates me to keep going. While I know what interests me, who's to say that will make for a happy, successful career?

As of lately I've felt like I just can't seem to get anything right, especially at my day job. One of my faults (and I'll be the first to admit this) is that when I'm moving fast, I tend to overlook details, which in the PR world, is not a good thing at all! After hearing much criticism from my boss, I have made a very conscious effort to read through all of my work more carefully, consult with others and cross reference with outside sources such as the AP style handbook. Personally, I feel like I'm gradually becoming a more detail-oriented person...at least I felt that way up until I got the email from my boss telling me that she doesn't know what to do with me and that she is very concerned. This made me feel like a complete failure...even though I know in the grand scheme of things I'm not. What irks me even more about this situation is that aside from random comments and discussion from time to time, I have not had the chance to really sit down with her and review my time with the company. She is indeed a very busy woman and successful too, but her constantly pushing back our meetings is really starting to make me wonder if (a) I'll ever be more than a coordinator/assistant and (b) if I'll ever move up within the company.

As a result of my unhappiness, I have applied for other jobs as they pop-up, researched other career choices and even seriously considered going back to school for a second master's degree or even a Ph.D. Will running in a different direction really make things better though? I obviously chose a career in the communications realm for a reason, but those reasons have quickly faded into oblivion. People are constantly telling me that I am meant to do this, and I would be great on TV, and could definitely achieve my dream of authoring books and speaking publicly...but will I really accomplish all of those things? Yes, I realize that it's all about mind-set and determination, but I'm not gonna lie...I'm scared that I will never "make it."

Life's Milestones

The other day I got into a conversation with a friend about the things most people look forward to in life based on age. Below are the ages that most deem as significant factors in growing up and becoming older:

13 years old
This is the age in which you go from being an adolescent pre-teen to a full blown teenager. It's also the age during which you make the transition from middle school to high school, your body continues to go through pretty big changes not only physically but also mentally and emotionally, and you begin to gain this keen sense of independence and self-awareness.

Personally, 13 was a big deal for me, but didn't seem so significant anymore once I hit high school. You go from being on top in middle school to being at the very bottom of the totem pole in high school. For me, this saying was quite literal since our mascot was an Indian and there was a spirit totem pole that many of my school's traditions were based off of.

16 years old
The age at which many people are eligible to get their driver's license...if your parents let you that is. An even bigger sense of freedom and independence is gained at 16 since most people no longer have to rely on their parents to tote them around from place to place. You either have a car of your own or happen to have a friend who does. Either way, a new level of cool is reached now that mommy and daddy have no need to come and pick you up or drop you off. However, if your parents can't afford to get you a car OR don't allow you to get your license than 16 no longer seems so important.

18 years old
The age at which you are officially considered an adult and no longer a teenager. Most people graduated high school and go away to college at this age. It's the age at which one is legally allowed to purchase cigarettes, attend rated R movies on your own, get into some night clubs and bars, and, if you work in a restaurant, it's the age at which you are allowed to sell alcoholic items.

Unlike the earlier milestones, the sense of freedom that comes with 18 is even greater since it is very literal. You are now considered an adult and cannot rely on mommy and daddy to bail you out of trouble. Many parents choose to cut the strings and let their children "live." With 18 comes a lot of responsibility that many don't fully grasp until years later...which results in hardships and trouble.

21 years old
Ah...the age at which you are legally allowed to purchase alcohol as well as drink it in public. This age really isn't that big of a deal for many since older friends are quite common...especially in a college setting and many people have been drunk on more than one occasion before this "sacred" right of passage is reached. In all honesty, it's really just another excuse to get wasted and make memories that you reminisce upon when you're older.

25 years old
The age of cheaper car insurance and finally being able to rent a car on your own. And that's about it...

After 25, what else is there to look forward to aside from the progression of life?

I have to admit this conversation got me kind of depressed...especially since I just turned 25 and felt as like my world was on the verge of ending. However, the truth is there is a lot to look forward once these milestones are surpassed. With age comes wisdom, experience and self-discovery. The older I get, the younger I become in a sense. I am more comfortable in my own skin and confident then I have ever been and, as a result, more inclined to do things that I wouldn't have done at a younger age even if I could. This conversation made me realize just how much stock we put on "life's milestones."

I say act as old as you feel...within in reason of course :)

A Hodge Podge of Thoughts

In an effort to save money for this new house that we're buying, Wally has decided to cancel our cable. At first, I was horrified and practically begged him to at the very least keep basic cable. All I could think about was my favorite shows and how I can't live without them...but then I started to really think about it. The reason why I never get to bed on time is because I get caught up in watching my shows. The reason why I never get everything done that I plan to is because of TV. Perhaps now I'll actually be able to accomplish some of those goals that I set out to complete like learning Korean, finishing the several scrapbooks I've started but have yet to complete, staying on track with marathon training...the list could go on forever. I have to admit, it's kind of sad how dependent I am on television. I'll let you know how it goes...


Now that we have two dogs and have gone through the terrible puppy stage twice, I have become a firm believer that you should definitely own a dog or high-maintenance pet of some sort before you decide to have kids. While nothing can compare to having an actual child, having a dog does prepare you for the amount of patience and responsibility required for such a big endeavor. Especially when your pup weighs 105+ pounds and is taller than you when standing on his hind legs. Just a thought to ponder...



Sacrifice...this is a word that I've become very familiar with over the past 2 years as a result of being in a very serious relationship. Since I was sixteen years old I've had aspirations of leaving Florida to pursue a career in the communications realm with the freedom of doing whatever I want when I want. However, things don't quite work out that way when you're in a relationship. After much compromise, I've decided to stay in Florida and make a life here with my future husband. I'm still not sure if this is the right choice and every time I travel elsewhere I often wonder if my decision was the wrong one or the right one...


Regrets. I can't really say that I have any. However, I do often think about the things that I would change in my past if given the chance. Some of the things that cross my mind are: joining a sorority, choosing to go to college versus culinary school, not pursuing acting/modeling more seriously, choosing to be a bookworm instead of a socialite, staying in Florida for college versus going elsewhere, being a nicer person or being more defensive, listening to my parents more versus doing the opposite of what they expected or asked... The truth is I'm not sure I would change any of it if given the opportunity to do so because one tiny little alteration to the past would essentially have a ripple effect on everything that follows that particular event. After all, everything happens for a reason...right?

Our First Home!

Growing up, you're often led to believe that life is meant to follow a certain pattern. That things are supposed to happen in a certain order, at a certain time, in a specific fashion. However, the older you become, the more you realize that things never happen as you expect them to...or even when you expect them to. I always thought my time to purchase and own a home would come after marriage and establishing a solid career, but clearly life has a different plan for me. Wally (the boyfriend) and I finally decided to put a bid on a home that we both loved and within 24 hours it was accepted...a rare occurrence from what I've heard.

It's all happening so fast...in roughly 2 months I will be a homeowner. This is the home in which Wally and I will move our relationship to the next step of marriage and someday have children. It's the home where one chapter of my life will close and another will begin to unravel. Change is happening so quickly and I'm not so sure I'm ready, but definitely excited...

A Learning Process

With age, comes wisdom...or so I've been told. It seems the older I become the more self-aware I am. Being an only child, I will admit that I have the tendency to act somewhat spoiled and even a tad bratty at times. I've been told by friends and foes that I can come off kind of stand-offish and snobby, that I relish being the center of attention and become very unpleasant when I don't get my way. While I do sometimes take offense to these accusations, I can admit that they are true to a certain extent and, as a result, I have made a conscious effort to improve these aspects of my character. However, change takes time which my loving boyfriend is always so quick to point out.

What has made me compelled to touch upon this subject is the confrontation I had last night with a person whom I do consider a friend, but have the tendency to clash with almost on a daily basis. I've been told that the reason we clash is because we are very similar individuals. We're both around the same age, both only children and therefore have the same kind of traits and habits. Of course, I greatly disagree, but that's besides the point. What caused the ruckus last night is the same thing that always gets my blood pumping with this person in particular...money.

This person, myself and my roommate all hang out on a regular basis. We drink coffee together, make dinner for each other, pay for each others tabs when we go out. When it comes to friends and money I've always believed the saying "You've got my back and I've got yours." It should go without saying that if you pay this time I'll pay next time or if I make you dinner tonight than an opportunity to dine at your place will come in the future. And if that time doesn't come, it's not a big deal. However, my neighbor feels the need to always point out when she pays for stuff, what's owed to her, how much she has bought and so on. Seriously?! When she does this it makes me want to point out the fact that we are all just as worried about money as she is and trying to save as well...which is exactly what I did last night in addition to pointing out the fact that every single time we hang out she does this. Of course, she didn't take it well and referred to me as being "snippy, confrontational and bitchy." She told me that she liked me as a person, but couldn't handle my "attitude." My internal response was "WTF?!", but my actual response was, "um, hello, I dish it out because that's what you do." If you don't want to pay for something fine. If you can't afford to do something, fine, but don't make it seem like you're the only one with financial issues, because in this day and age, and especially with the current economic conditions, we are ALL suffering in some manner.

In the end, we resolved the issue and continued on with the night, but this whole experience really got me thinking about my character. I feel that I handled the situation appropriately. There was no yelling or screaming or name calling, which is what I used to resort to. However, I'm always curious as to whether or not there was a better way to handle it all. I do like this girl and do consider her a friend, but when something gets under my skin, I just can't let it go. Perhaps that's another aspect of my character I should work on...

Another aspect of my life that I feel has improved somewhat over time, but still needs work is the relationship I have with my parents, specifically my mother. I wish I could say that because I'm an only child I am very close with both of my parents, but unfortunately that isn't the case at all. While my parents know me well in regards to my character and personality, I feel that they don't know much about me as a person. This is mainly because I've never fully let them in. There's always been this invisible wall of sorts up between us and, to be honest, I'm not sure why this is. Fully letting them into my life has always felt like an invasion of privacy. Part of it is because my mother is very pushy and wants to know everything, which makes me not want to tell her anything.

The older I become, however, the more I do want to let my parents in, but I just can't get out of habit of keeping in the "dark" after doing it for so long. As you can imagine, both parents are rather protective of me and tend to get on my nerves as a result. My mom and I don't really have conversations because they almost always end in an argument. Spending time together for longer than a meal doesn't always end well because I somehow manage to say or do something that she just doesn't agree with or approve of. My mother is very controlling and I'm very stubborn...not a good combination. I'd like to get over this all and simply be friends with my mom and have a strong mother-daughter relationship but I'm not quite sure how to go about doing this. I have to wonder if things will always be like this between us. What I do hope is that despite our differences that my mother knows how much she means to me and how much I love her. I've never been good at expressing my emotions to my parents...